THE BLOG ABOUT MY ONE TRUE LOVE: ME!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. People who find the comics in The New Yorker funny deserve to be punched in the back of the head. I present to you this abject example of banality:
Seriously, fuck The New Yorker. Unless this is about that whole Haiti thing.
NBC’s now-cancelled show “Life” seems to have had a tenuous grasp on the concept of video games, computers, and crime. In this hard hitting episode, a drug dealer hid all his top secret drug dealing spreadsheets inside his copy of Prince of Persia, and the only way to access his crime Quickbookz, is by beating the game. I remember seeing this when it came out, but it took me forever to finally find it. Apparently the network doesn’t want you to see it — either because of copyright issues or embarrassment. I’d like to think both, but for a channel that airs something like 9 different iterations of Law & Order — each more inane than the previous — I’m pretty sure embarrassment isn’t something they feel anymore. Check out the video:
I am often asked, “Jimmy, who’s your best one, Bill Pullman or Bill Paxton?” The question, as often as I hear it, has become quite laughable, for I have come to the only logical solution.
I boldly respond, “Neither, for I choose the bastard son of the two Bills. I choose Olyphant.”
Could you imagine those two doin' it? I know right.
It's like Freaky Friday but with nerdy virgins.
If I write a movie and I really want Michael Cera to be the star, and it turns out that Michael Cera can’t do it because he’s busy making sure the Arrested Development movie doesn’t happen, I should re-write the character.
After that, I should go to Home Depot, buy a length of heavy-duty rope, drive back home, murder my pets, record an unintelligible suicide tape, and hang myself for ever coming up with the idea.
So I’m wicked hungover the other morning because I was up late the night before celebrating the big promotion I got at the office for how I handled the Fisher Account. Now, my morning routine after I’ve had one or three too many limoncellos, is to get on the onlines and check out my sites. After MILFhunter.com and wikipedia articles about Elephantiasis and Diane Arbus that somehow managed to meander to an article about the differences between Jewish and Islamic dietary laws, I go to CNN.com to check the latest headlines for oddities. If you don’t know what I’m talking about go to this link, because I don’t have time to go into it, and I feel like I’ve already babbled on and on without even getting to the point.
Oh, and there is a point.
The point is this little gem that I find tucked away near the end of their latest headlines:
I like Road House
Continue reading ’10 Best Road House Quotes Excluding, “Pain don’t hurt,” “A polar bear fell on me,” and “I used to fuck guys like you in prison.”’
This is Bradley W. Cavanaugh:
AKA Chad Sexington
Ol’ Brad is wanted in Wichita, Kansas for felony theft. Although the wanted poster doesn’t say, and I’m no Columbo, I have a pretty good idea what he has stolen.