Xmas Xtreme!

Strong jaws, dirty clothes, and hair styles form the early 2000s. If that isn't 1940s America, I don't know what its.

Never forget.

How shitty this movie was. Ben Hoofleck as the tough but sensitive Rafe McCawley, Josh Hartnett as the tough but boyish Danny Walker, and the hippy (fat) Kate Beckinsale as nurse Evelyn Johnson, create a devilishly intricate and emotionally charged love triangle amidst the historic backdrop of Iwo Jima or Gettysburg or something.

You better believe that when I'm making fun of Anaconda or National Treasure or Transformers or National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets or even U Turn, I'm going to refer to him as Jon "Pearl Harbor" Voight.

What really seals the deal for me is none other than the star of SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2. I’m talking about the one, the only, the inimitable Jon “Brangelina” Voight. Playing a handicapable Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Midnight Cowboy brings an extra level of gravitas that I think really makes this whole Pearl Harbor attack hit home, you know? An actor so into the process and so dominant in his possession of the persona that is FDR, he had his jowls stuffed with cotton. He also starred in Bratz. a film based on jailbait dolls, based on Barbie.

Peep this great acting:

This movie grossed $449,220,945 which is more than the inflation adjusted cost of the Korean War but less than VIetnam, so the comparisons all you people make between this movie and Vietnam are invalid, except the one about this movie being a great big gigantic clusterfuck on the same scale as the Vietnam conflict.