I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it.

— Hardboiled noir drunk: Raymond Chandler

I’ll stick with gin.  Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.

— Fictional drunk: Hawkeye from M*A*S*H

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

— Literary drunk: Papa Hemingway

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

— Old people thought he was funny way back forever ago drunk: W.C. Fields

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.

— Old people thought he was funny twenty years ago drunk: P.J. O’Rourke

The coffee shop smell from next door came in at the windows with the soot but failed to make me hungry. So I got out my office bottle and took the drink and let my self-respect ride its own race.

— Bonus badass drunk: Raymond Chandler, from The Big Sleep

Matikeef “Makh” Daniels, 28, of Pacifica, was ejected from the 2003 Chevrolet van, which had been heading south on Interstate 5 north of Medford at 5:30 a.m. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

According to Oregon State Police, the driver – 24-year-old Justin Garcia of Fresno – fell asleep and allowed the van to drift off the right shoulder of the freeway.

Police Lt. Gregg Hastings said the van carried five members of Daniels’ band, Early Graves, as well as four members of Garcia’s band, Funeral Pyre, which is based in La Habra (Orange County). The men had played at a weekend concert in Eugene and were en route to Reno.

If only this had happened in the early 90s. Then that waif Ethan Hawke could have just showed this to that other waif Winona Ryder.