When you live La Vida Lohan, you button all the way to the top.
I don’t care about Lindsay Lohan. I know she switched places with Jamie Lee Curtis in that Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen movie that I liked. Also, I heard she does Gary Busey-levels of cocaine, which doesn’t bother me, and is perfectly understandable considering she has a twin sister that is a sleazy stripper — a problem which is further compounded by the fact that all the popular girls are mean to her at her new school. So, yeah, nothing she does bothers me.
What does bother me is smarmy obnoxious headlines like: ”Lindsay’s lawyer is living La Vida Lohan.”
What a sad, crushing existence it must be being the editing wizard that came up with that one. He drags his ass into the office on a Monday morning, doesn’t even have a chance to drink his first cup of stale office coffee, and, before he even sits down, he has some bitch-ass traffic manager breathing down his neck making this request:
We need a witty headline for our eleventy-twelfth Lohan article. Something really clever that will really catch the puffy eye of Jane Franzia Fridge Pack and get us that online ad revenue we so desperately crave. We need something condescending and trite that also manages to tie a washed up cokehead actress with a washed up formerly-closeted Latin pop sensation from 10 years ago. It also needs to be patently offensive to anyone with a thought in their head.”
If I were him, I’d probably be huffing industrial cleaning solvent in the supply closet.
The other nightmare possibility is that it took an office meeting of oh-so-clever copy editors to shit out this obnoxious headline before their traditional Monday lunch at P.F. Chang’s. And if it is true that it took a congress of pop culture dullards to come up with that subnormal headline, then I don’t know what to do, except go back to bed and never wake up.
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Alright, so I’m back and I read it. The original post is still completely accurate. I think it’s fucking great that the kind of cats that write CNN articles are so out of touch with everything around them that they still make retarded puns and consider them “hooks”. It’s too bad you can’t contact the authors anymore.
I haven’t read this article yet, but I already love your site and articles. Thanks for existing.