Here’s to you, girls of weather.com. With a dazed, slack-jaw expression (or as I pronounce it, ‘spresssion), an off-the-rack wardrobe that usually fits, and exaggerated hand movements, you are single-handedly bringing sexy back.
In what I hope to be a weekly update, I’m going to review selected weather “personalities” based solely on the screen capture image on the Weather Channel homepage. Is it arbitrary? Most definitely. Will it be funny? Probably not. Will I actually update it every week? Not a chance.
Tamara
Up first is this petite little lass. I think I’ll name her Tamara. If there’s one thing Tamara knows more about than cold fronts, it’s accessorizing. The simple, understated medallion necklace, subtle earrings, and practical watch, all make for a classy yet utilitarian look. Further emphasizing this aesthetic is the clever way in which young Tamara clipped her microphone to her necklace.
Clothing: 
Hair:
Attitude:
Posture:
Smile:
Overall Potential Wife Rating:
Becky
I had such high hopes for the one I call Becky. Maybe I caught her on one of her “off” days, and I’m empathetic, but I have to call ‘em like I see ‘em. You don’t need the green screen map to know that there’s a high level of moisture in the air. Becky’s puffed out hair does that for us. Maybe they should do away with the whole map and Doppler radar and just divine the weather conditions based entirely on how her scalp responds to the barometric pressure. I won’t even comment on her sweater and the Freudian implications of its neckline. Oh wait, I just did.
Hair:
Confidence:
Sensual Prowess:
Use of Eyeglasses:
Grace:
Overall probability of advancement to network in major market: 
Victoria
Victoria (at least I have to assume her name is Victoria — The Weather Channel website is of no help) walks in front of that green screen every day with a confident swagger and a folksy attitude that really connects with the salt-of-the-earth people of Bumwad, Iowa. I’m kidding. She makes used car salesmen skittish. The great thing about Victoria’s outfit is that, after a hard day of weathering for the masses, all she has to do is slap on some Brut® with an Axe® Dark Temptation Body Spray chaser, and she’s ready to dance all night long at that hot new dance club all the other secretaries are talking about.
Machismo:
Clothing:
Trash-stache:
Manly Posture:
Confidence:
Odds her necktie will be cast in a Marie Antoinette docudrama with a modern soundtrack:
0 Response to “The Girls of Weather.com”